For Sale: One Conversion Van

Last years Christmas adventure began with the van breaking down due to water in the fuel in the middle of a freezing rain storm. We were rescued by my Father-in-Law, who loaned us his mini-van. We celebrated our good fortune by slamming the car door on my hand. On our return trip, we rapped both of my shins with an ironing board.

This year, events in Arkansas dictated that we make a quick, unplanned trip there. The trip began most innocently enough on a beautiful day. We thought that we had successfully sat out the bad weather that had occurred south of us. We were wrong.

It began as snow 'flurries' and ended as a 'Winter Storm'. Not just any winter storm, a major winter storm that knocked power out all over souther Virginia.

We hung tough, and drove carefully past 25 wrecked cars. We saw cars in ditches. We saw cars in the median. We saw cars balanced on the guard rails. We saw 10 cars crashed on an icy bridge at mile marker 105. The van proved steady as we drove at 35-40 mph in the ruts in the snow.

There is a good bit of stress that goes along with driving 330 miles in a storm that is going from snow to ice. As we began to escape the snow, though tired, I thought "Dang...we're going to make it."

Ahhh.....ye of little faith. Just like Janet Leigh stepping into the shower in Psycho, just like the skipper and Gilligan, just like George Clooney sailing out of Gloucester harbour...when we got into the van on that beautiful morning in Jersey, we were doomed. She got slashed and stabbed, we were just screwed.

The Van farted...and farted again...and again. DAMN! Water in the damn fuel again. We limped to the rest area, poured STP gas treatement in, and the motor died.

We're screwed. Landi looked at me. I looked at her. We looked around at the ice covered trees, and the ice coated sidewalks. We were in a Rest Area on I-81 just north of Marion, Virginia in the middle of a horrible ice storm. We called the state police,and they said they would dispatch a trooper as soon as they could. We could hear the sleet hitting the van, and we could see the icicles growing longer.

Because we expected it to take hours for the trooper to arrive, we climbed into the back of the van. The huge captains chairs are much more comfortable than the driving compartment. Using ice from the storm, I fixed cocktails as Miss Landi prepared h'ordorves.

We were setting in relative comfort enjoying the storm when suddenly, there was a rapping on the window, and a flash light lit the interior of the van. It was the state trooper. It only took one hour for him to arrive.

Once he over came the initial shock of seeing people climb out of the back of an ice covered, stranded van clutching cocktails, the trooper was very helpful and called for a tow truck. We climbed back into the van for more cocktails and snacks.

Roughly 45 minutes later the tow truck arrived, and we were rescued. The truck operator dropped us at the only hotel in the area that still had power. We disembarked clutching all manner of crap. We had fur coats. We had computers. We had the port-a-bar.

When at last we entered our warm and dry hotel room, we deposited our gear and discovered something.

Make a note. When stranded for any reason, don't forget to get the luggage out of the car before they tow it to the garage.

I don't have to make a note. I'm sure Miss Landi will remind me.