The Sunshine State

Our last day in the Sunshine State dawned cloudy with gusty winds. Storms were due in from the south west by 9:00 AM, but we weren't concerned. We were pulling out at 7:30. We'd have long started our 9 hour journey on the road by the time the rain started.

So, we loaded the car. We double checked the condo to ensure that we didn't forget anything. We looked under the beds. We looked in the closets and drawers. We checked every electrical outlet in the place for the random electrical gadget. We climbed into the van, looked a last time upon the Gulf, and....the van wouldn't start. yannie yannie yannie yannie...no start. yannie yannie yannnie. oh shit. yannie yannnie yannie

The problem was clear. Moisture in the fuel. So, I walked to the Shell station and got some fuel dryer. At roughly 8:00, the van begrudgingly started, and we coughed and sputtered for about 20 minutes until we had burned through the last of the moisture, and we were on our way.

There are two routes to Jonesboro from Destin. One takes you through Mobile
Alabama, and the other takes you due north through Montgomery. Our navigational device selected the quickest route, which took us due north. Unfortunately, the navidational device does not consult the weather radar, nor does it consider that the filler hose for our fuel tank now allows road spray to enter our fuel tank. Water and gas are not a good combination. Roughly 30 minutes out of Destin, heading due north, we entered heavy storms. After about half an hour, enough water had made it's way into our fuel that the van was coughing and spitting, wheezing up every hill.

There is nothing quite like being in rural Alabama, in a thunderstorm, in a van with New Jersey tags, trying to drive with fouled fuel. When I say 'rural Alabama', let me clarify. We drove for 40 miles and saw nothing more than green grass, trees and cattle. We didn't even pass an intersection with another paved road. This was a two lane state highway, that we were apparently traversing alone....in a van that was despritly trying to die.

Finally, we came to a rural general store with a gas pump. A single gas pump that pumped 'gas' and 'diesel'. No credit cards. No ATM card. Cash only, so I stood in the driving rain adding some more STP Gas Treatment and putting $20 of gas in. In a matter of seconds, the van seemed to come off of life support, and again idled smoothly.

Having dried out the fuel, we set out on the road again in the pouring rain. We finally found an auto parts store where I bought three more bottles of STP Gas Treatment. Landi, combining the input from the navigational device and the weather radar, plotted us a course due west so that we would exit the deluge as soon as possible. So, we dodged storms and drove through Alabama on smaller and smaller roads, in a farting van with New Jersey tags.

Finally, somewhere in the hills of Alabama, in the county of Taladaga, we emerged into sunshine and blue skys. The van burned through the last of the water in the tank. The ride became smooth again, and after 11 hours on the road, we pulled into Jonesboro.

Jonesboro is in a dry country, but the hotel where we stayed has a 'private club' where you can get a cocktail. We sat down for dinner. I ordered a 'bourbon and water'. Five minutes later, the waitress approached the table. In her hands....a glass of water, and a shot of bourbon.

We're gonna need more bourbon.