Some are old men now, with gray hair. They are bent and broken, and have earing aids. They walk with a little bit of a shuffle, or perhaps a cane or a limp and some have hands that tremble bit. A gaze into their eyes sometimes betray a hint of glocomma. They are quiet, and mild, and courteous. They are gentle, and gentlemen, but once, long ago, they were fierce.
These are the men who freed Europe from the Nazis. They defeated Japan on tiny islands across the Pacific. The rescued Korea from the Communists. They fought from Saigon to Cambodia, from Grenada to Panama, from Iraq to Afganistan. They went in harm's way and lived, and have never forgotten their friends who died.
Yesterday, we fed them barbeque at the Clark American Legion.
Living in an age when football players and rock stars are mistaken for heros, it was an honor to dine with so many real ones.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Endeavor to Persevere
It was a perfect September day, blue skys and cool temps. A quick dash through Restaurant Depot was just that...a dash. No delays Set up was a snap. Fire started with out a problem. Prep was quick and easy. The chicken cut without incident, and the ribs went on to thaw without problem.
A knowing mind would have sensed danger, but not me. I should have known the next two hours would be an exercise in chaos.
100 Golfers were roaring down fairways drinking heavily and looking forward to world class barbeque. The bar staff was quietly preping for what would be a giant rush. Golfers get really thirsty between the golf course and the bar. The employees at neighboring businesses smelled smoke were nosing around asking questions about the menu.
The event was KC's Korner's Annual Golf Outing. Grace, of KC's Korner fame, organized this event four years ago, and has raised over $20,000 for the Hospice.
As I said, prep went without issue, and having completed the prep and started the cooking, it was time to hit the head. To those of you who are not nautical, that means take a leak. "Go potty", so to speak.
After what could have only been a three to four minute absense, the following occured in close order....
1. A grease fire erupted in the smoker containing 120 lbs of pork shoulders, 40 lbs of
leg quarters, and 50 lbs of baby back ribs, 5 containers of barbequed beans, and 5
containers of cajun green beans. While extinguishing the fire....
2. A gust of wind blew the canopy about 10 ft. from where we had originally set it up,
nearly knocking over the table containing the rubs, vinegars, cooking tools. After
hauling the tent back into place, and fixing the table, I noticed.....
3. The wood pile was on fire. No shit.
4. All the chicken and ribs were 'sooted' beyong belief.
So, I washed 40 lbs of chicken and 50 lbs. of ribs, and cooked them anyway. And I do mean washed. Washed as in two tubs of water.
Most people with panic, others would fret. Quite a few would weap at the loss of so much chicken, ribs, and pulled pork.
Ahhh.....ye of little faith. The Good Lord gave us the hickory tree, chicken, pigs and a fine butt rub. When you combine those four, all you need is a fifth and things will be right.
So, wq que'd away secure in the knowledge that the healing aroma of hickory smoke, and the gentle embrace of the butt rub, and the periodic spritzing with vinegar would produce yet another batch of slap yo momma good barbeque.
At 9:30 last night, the verdict was in.
Damn fine food.
A knowing mind would have sensed danger, but not me. I should have known the next two hours would be an exercise in chaos.
100 Golfers were roaring down fairways drinking heavily and looking forward to world class barbeque. The bar staff was quietly preping for what would be a giant rush. Golfers get really thirsty between the golf course and the bar. The employees at neighboring businesses smelled smoke were nosing around asking questions about the menu.
The event was KC's Korner's Annual Golf Outing. Grace, of KC's Korner fame, organized this event four years ago, and has raised over $20,000 for the Hospice.
As I said, prep went without issue, and having completed the prep and started the cooking, it was time to hit the head. To those of you who are not nautical, that means take a leak. "Go potty", so to speak.
After what could have only been a three to four minute absense, the following occured in close order....
1. A grease fire erupted in the smoker containing 120 lbs of pork shoulders, 40 lbs of
leg quarters, and 50 lbs of baby back ribs, 5 containers of barbequed beans, and 5
containers of cajun green beans. While extinguishing the fire....
2. A gust of wind blew the canopy about 10 ft. from where we had originally set it up,
nearly knocking over the table containing the rubs, vinegars, cooking tools. After
hauling the tent back into place, and fixing the table, I noticed.....
3. The wood pile was on fire. No shit.
4. All the chicken and ribs were 'sooted' beyong belief.
So, I washed 40 lbs of chicken and 50 lbs. of ribs, and cooked them anyway. And I do mean washed. Washed as in two tubs of water.
Most people with panic, others would fret. Quite a few would weap at the loss of so much chicken, ribs, and pulled pork.
Ahhh.....ye of little faith. The Good Lord gave us the hickory tree, chicken, pigs and a fine butt rub. When you combine those four, all you need is a fifth and things will be right.
So, wq que'd away secure in the knowledge that the healing aroma of hickory smoke, and the gentle embrace of the butt rub, and the periodic spritzing with vinegar would produce yet another batch of slap yo momma good barbeque.
At 9:30 last night, the verdict was in.
Damn fine food.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
It's awfully late to start drinking.
The sun isn't up yet, and that is one of the signs that the end of the summer has indeed arrived. There's less humidity, even on rainy days, and just a touch of coolness in the air. In about an hour, I'll start the fire to begin smoking 100 lbs of pork shoulders for a fund raiser Monday (9/14) at KC's Korner in South Plainfield. Grace, Walter and Co. raise money every year for a cancer hospice, and this year, they asked the Memphis Barbeque Company to do some barbeque.
We're doing ribs, chicken, pulled pork, cajun greenbeans, and barbequed beans. Dinner serves sometime late Monday afternoon. The event was originally planned for 50 golfers, as it is a golf outing, but it has now swollen to 120 or more. We'll have the smoker, the tent and all the regualr crap set up for the event. I'll start singing country music probably around noon.
I realize that noon is awfully late to start drinking, so cocktails may begin a bit earlier.
We're doing ribs, chicken, pulled pork, cajun greenbeans, and barbequed beans. Dinner serves sometime late Monday afternoon. The event was originally planned for 50 golfers, as it is a golf outing, but it has now swollen to 120 or more. We'll have the smoker, the tent and all the regualr crap set up for the event. I'll start singing country music probably around noon.
I realize that noon is awfully late to start drinking, so cocktails may begin a bit earlier.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Fang Skull
This isn't about barbeque. It's about a kid.
At a height of about 5 feet, a kid has a different perspective on a lot of things. They know every dog in the neighborhood, and speak of the dog as if he were a friend. Property lines have little meaning. Nary a thought is given to cutting through backyards, side yards, and front yards on their way to the 'woods' or a friends house. They may borrow things, but they will never steal, and they will give you all they have for the asking. They haven't a clue about the value of a dollar, but they can tell you all about lucky rocks. At once, they treat their friends like dogs, and dogs like brothers. They are generous beyond good sense to friend and stranger alike, and loyal to the end even in the face greivous punishment. I think they pick that up from the dogs. They ride bicycles and skateboards with the causal elegance of a soaring hawk, crash them like flaming train wrecks, and rise again bleeding,but smiling and laughing. They find more joy in a single jelly bean than we find in Christmas, and, we try to teach these kids to be adults.
It seems to me, that we ought to consider becoming more like kids.
On Father's day, my wife took my son to the worlds greatest store (Spenser's), and bought me a gift I will never, ever forget. Having blown my knee out last September, and despit having it surgically repaired, it still hurts and I limp a little. If you limp, you ought to have a cool cane. A cane much cooler than any that Dr. House might posses.If you are a 12 year old boy, there is nothing better you can give your limping dad than a black cane that is topped with a skull with fangs.
If you are a limping dad, there is nothing better your son can give you than the look on his face when he sees you smile after opening a box containing the world's greatest cane.
It doesn't get any better than that.
At a height of about 5 feet, a kid has a different perspective on a lot of things. They know every dog in the neighborhood, and speak of the dog as if he were a friend. Property lines have little meaning. Nary a thought is given to cutting through backyards, side yards, and front yards on their way to the 'woods' or a friends house. They may borrow things, but they will never steal, and they will give you all they have for the asking. They haven't a clue about the value of a dollar, but they can tell you all about lucky rocks. At once, they treat their friends like dogs, and dogs like brothers. They are generous beyond good sense to friend and stranger alike, and loyal to the end even in the face greivous punishment. I think they pick that up from the dogs. They ride bicycles and skateboards with the causal elegance of a soaring hawk, crash them like flaming train wrecks, and rise again bleeding,but smiling and laughing. They find more joy in a single jelly bean than we find in Christmas, and, we try to teach these kids to be adults.
It seems to me, that we ought to consider becoming more like kids.
On Father's day, my wife took my son to the worlds greatest store (Spenser's), and bought me a gift I will never, ever forget. Having blown my knee out last September, and despit having it surgically repaired, it still hurts and I limp a little. If you limp, you ought to have a cool cane. A cane much cooler than any that Dr. House might posses.If you are a 12 year old boy, there is nothing better you can give your limping dad than a black cane that is topped with a skull with fangs.
If you are a limping dad, there is nothing better your son can give you than the look on his face when he sees you smile after opening a box containing the world's greatest cane.
It doesn't get any better than that.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Weekend Update
Having survived the weekend monsoon intact, we have determined that we have not suffered enough. Dixie Dog has recovered from sitting in water for 12 hours. Landi is in fine form. I'm still fat.
KC's Korner, the finest dive in South Plainfield, has asked us to barbeque ribs for their third annual Weekend of the Bands. They have 30 bands scheduled over two days. We'll be doing ribs both days, and they've got a guy doing clams.
This should be a lot of fun. The crowd that hangs out at this place is just fantastic. It's like Cheer's meets Archie Bunker on Friends in Mayberry. Everyone who works there super.
So, if you're looking for fun, food and music on Saturday (6/27) or Sunday (6/28) stop by KC's Korner in South Plainfield. We'll have the smoker setup and cooking from 8:00AM until we're done.
KC's Korner, the finest dive in South Plainfield, has asked us to barbeque ribs for their third annual Weekend of the Bands. They have 30 bands scheduled over two days. We'll be doing ribs both days, and they've got a guy doing clams.
This should be a lot of fun. The crowd that hangs out at this place is just fantastic. It's like Cheer's meets Archie Bunker on Friends in Mayberry. Everyone who works there super.
So, if you're looking for fun, food and music on Saturday (6/27) or Sunday (6/28) stop by KC's Korner in South Plainfield. We'll have the smoker setup and cooking from 8:00AM until we're done.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
We're a Chicken Outfit
Though the monsoon lasted most of the day, we endevored to persevere. Our bourbon stocks were adequate thanks to Pat. Ice was plentiful. We had wine, and beer...and the tent of a thousand pieces served us well. Hillsborough is aways fun because it's pretty much the same competitors as always. Big Mark was there, as was the RUB Hut boys, the Ribs Within and the Keansburg Firehouse and Moose's Mayem.
The ribs and chicken went on the smoker at roughly 9:00. It was still dry then. We had sovled rubic's tent puzzle and finally started the real work. Only after the ribs and chicken went on the smoker did the skys open up. It was a steady rain. A soaker of a rain....which, as you can imagine, played hell with the temperature of the smoker. On one end 200 degrees...on the end that sticks out into the rain, 100. Can you guess which end we cooked on?
We were stymied on the Chef's Choice. I forgot about it and didn't bring anything for it. Thankfully, when Pat made the liquor run, she was able to get some shrimp. Salvation!
Chicken turn in was at 3:00. No problem. We pulled our chicken, and foiled it at about 1:00. At 2:30, we sauced it, and put it in to carmalize a little. We made the 3:00 turn in just fine.
Rib turn in was at 3:30. No problem. We had three slabs that were nothing less that works of art. A test cut revealed that they were at perfection. It was clearly the consensus that we had produced the perfect rib. We delivered our entry of six hollywood cut ribs at 3:00.
The Chefs' Choice turn in was at 4:00. The shrimp are still frozen? Oh shit. We spread the shrimp on a baking pan and shoved them in the smoker. 5 minutes later they were thawed enough to peel. Raw? Of course they were raw. You can't cook 'cooked' shrimp. Sprinkled with bbq seasonings, cajun seasoning, or bbq sauce, they went back into the smoker. Ten minutes later, they are still raw. Oh shit. We sat the pan on top of the firebox to see if that would cook them. Five minutes later, oh shit. Finally, we opened the firebox, spread the coals flat, and sat the baking pan. At 3:59, we had nine shrimp done, in the box and delivered.
Awards were at 5:00. They were held in the fire house because the sunshine was was again pouring. It was a cozy group. Everyone cheered for everyone else. We thought we had a good chance because we were pleased with everything we delivered. Of course, that is usually the case. In the end, we won Second Place for Yardbird (that's chicken to you yankees), and Seventh Place for Ribs, Sixth Place for Chef's Choice. We were Third Overall.
Of course, that's not the end of the story. Less than one mile from home, either the bearings or the brakes on the van's left front wheel apparently exploded. We were able to limp home at 5 mph and get the smoker put away....and that's the end of that story.
The ribs and chicken went on the smoker at roughly 9:00. It was still dry then. We had sovled rubic's tent puzzle and finally started the real work. Only after the ribs and chicken went on the smoker did the skys open up. It was a steady rain. A soaker of a rain....which, as you can imagine, played hell with the temperature of the smoker. On one end 200 degrees...on the end that sticks out into the rain, 100. Can you guess which end we cooked on?
We were stymied on the Chef's Choice. I forgot about it and didn't bring anything for it. Thankfully, when Pat made the liquor run, she was able to get some shrimp. Salvation!
Chicken turn in was at 3:00. No problem. We pulled our chicken, and foiled it at about 1:00. At 2:30, we sauced it, and put it in to carmalize a little. We made the 3:00 turn in just fine.
Rib turn in was at 3:30. No problem. We had three slabs that were nothing less that works of art. A test cut revealed that they were at perfection. It was clearly the consensus that we had produced the perfect rib. We delivered our entry of six hollywood cut ribs at 3:00.
The Chefs' Choice turn in was at 4:00. The shrimp are still frozen? Oh shit. We spread the shrimp on a baking pan and shoved them in the smoker. 5 minutes later they were thawed enough to peel. Raw? Of course they were raw. You can't cook 'cooked' shrimp. Sprinkled with bbq seasonings, cajun seasoning, or bbq sauce, they went back into the smoker. Ten minutes later, they are still raw. Oh shit. We sat the pan on top of the firebox to see if that would cook them. Five minutes later, oh shit. Finally, we opened the firebox, spread the coals flat, and sat the baking pan. At 3:59, we had nine shrimp done, in the box and delivered.
Awards were at 5:00. They were held in the fire house because the sunshine was was again pouring. It was a cozy group. Everyone cheered for everyone else. We thought we had a good chance because we were pleased with everything we delivered. Of course, that is usually the case. In the end, we won Second Place for Yardbird (that's chicken to you yankees), and Seventh Place for Ribs, Sixth Place for Chef's Choice. We were Third Overall.
Of course, that's not the end of the story. Less than one mile from home, either the bearings or the brakes on the van's left front wheel apparently exploded. We were able to limp home at 5 mph and get the smoker put away....and that's the end of that story.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Sunshine Reigns in Hillsborough
Dateline: Neptune
Eleven intrepid barbequers are high and dry in the parking lot of the Woods Road Fire House. Four kegs of beer sits on ice in the fire house. We managed to get our Rubic's Tent erected before the sunshine began to fall.
Got to go.
Eleven intrepid barbequers are high and dry in the parking lot of the Woods Road Fire House. Four kegs of beer sits on ice in the fire house. We managed to get our Rubic's Tent erected before the sunshine began to fall.
Got to go.
Monday, June 15, 2009
The March of the Kilted Madmen
On Saturday, June 20th, a day that will live in infamy, the Central Jersey Firemen's Cook-off will be held at the Fire House in Hillsborough. All members of the the Memphis Barbque Company and The Dead Cow Society will remember that this is a major fun event. It will start with Meat Inspection at about 7:00AM, and end sometime around 4:00pm. In between those hours, there will be music and a lot of fun.
We've done well here in the past, taking 3rd for ribs, and second for chicken....or vice versa.
So, sober up and try to make it to the event. If the past is any guide, it will be a lot of fun.
We've done well here in the past, taking 3rd for ribs, and second for chicken....or vice versa.
So, sober up and try to make it to the event. If the past is any guide, it will be a lot of fun.
Monday, May 4, 2009
The Pig Flu
Though some of us may be late, I believe that it is of the utmost importance that the Dead Cow Society gather immediately to discuss the latest assault on our carnivours activity. Not too many years ago, you will remember, lying bastards were warning us about 'Mad Cow' disease. What they failed to tell us was that they were actually trying to warn the world about one of my xwives. Now we are being bombarded with information about something called 'the Pig Flu'. Again, we are being mislead.
The whole uproar is the result of an argument about baseball in Mexico City brothel.
My brother was there. What he said happened was that the piano player, apparently an older gentleman with a touch of Atlizhimers, was talking baseball with some visiting politicians, and the piano player said that pigs would fly when Boston won the Series.
At this point, a Boston fan who was employed at the brothel, blew beer our her nose, and screamed at the piano player "They've won twice in the last 5 years, you moron!", everyone laughted. The piano player, being somewhat hard of hearing, missed what was said and asked the bar tender what was going on..and the bartender say...'nothing, but I think the pig flew"
So, thursday, 6:30 at the Outback on 22. Help us help ourselves to dead cow and liquor.
oh..yeah..Boston sucks.
The whole uproar is the result of an argument about baseball in Mexico City brothel.
My brother was there. What he said happened was that the piano player, apparently an older gentleman with a touch of Atlizhimers, was talking baseball with some visiting politicians, and the piano player said that pigs would fly when Boston won the Series.
At this point, a Boston fan who was employed at the brothel, blew beer our her nose, and screamed at the piano player "They've won twice in the last 5 years, you moron!", everyone laughted. The piano player, being somewhat hard of hearing, missed what was said and asked the bar tender what was going on..and the bartender say...'nothing, but I think the pig flew"
So, thursday, 6:30 at the Outback on 22. Help us help ourselves to dead cow and liquor.
oh..yeah..Boston sucks.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Sacrifice and Penitence
With Mardi Gras and Ash Wednesday behind us, each of us must now contend with our own forty days of sacrifice and penitence. Forty days...and nights. Just two days less than six weeks. Not much time, when you think about it. It's time to reflect, to turn inward a bit and examine ourselves.
I do this every year. On Ash Wednesday, I get up early, and look at the world around me. If I'm not in a jail cell in New Orleans, then we're off to a good start. Next, I look at myself closely in the mirror. If I don't find a wound or a new tattoo somewhere, the day is starting to look good.
After a cup of coffee, and the haze of morning has been somewhat lifted, I consider what I have given up for Lent. Some years, the sacrifice is more difficult than others. Once, not realizing that St.Patrick's Day is during Lent, I gave up cabbage. Damn.
This year, after due consideration, I've decided to give up Makers Mark. It's my current favorite bourbon. As most everyone knows, I will not drink that crap from Tennessee, and I've never been a fan of Scotch. I can no longer drink beer because it contains gluten. Since I don't have any hand guns, Tequila isn't near as much fun as it used to be.
It's going to be a long forty days and forty nights.
Thank God for Knob Creek.
I do this every year. On Ash Wednesday, I get up early, and look at the world around me. If I'm not in a jail cell in New Orleans, then we're off to a good start. Next, I look at myself closely in the mirror. If I don't find a wound or a new tattoo somewhere, the day is starting to look good.
After a cup of coffee, and the haze of morning has been somewhat lifted, I consider what I have given up for Lent. Some years, the sacrifice is more difficult than others. Once, not realizing that St.Patrick's Day is during Lent, I gave up cabbage. Damn.
This year, after due consideration, I've decided to give up Makers Mark. It's my current favorite bourbon. As most everyone knows, I will not drink that crap from Tennessee, and I've never been a fan of Scotch. I can no longer drink beer because it contains gluten. Since I don't have any hand guns, Tequila isn't near as much fun as it used to be.
It's going to be a long forty days and forty nights.
Thank God for Knob Creek.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
It's all clear now...
Finally, the vodka kicked in. Here are our known dates....We are not firmly committed to Keansburg, but we are to Central Jersey .
May 30 - Keansburg Fire Company "Smoke Condition"
June 20 - Central Jersey Fireman's Cook-off
Now, back to work...
May 30 - Keansburg Fire Company "Smoke Condition"
June 20 - Central Jersey Fireman's Cook-off
Now, back to work...
Correction...
Ladies, Gents, and Cory,
The date of the Central Jersey Fireman's Cook-off at Hillsborough is May 30.
I appologize for any confusion. I sent the earlier email before my first bloodymary.
The date of the Central Jersey Fireman's Cook-off at Hillsborough is May 30.
I appologize for any confusion. I sent the earlier email before my first bloodymary.
The Year of the Pig
Ladies, Gentlemen, and Cory,Via the miracle of internet communications, our good friends at the Hillsborough Fire Company have made known to me their intention to once again conduct the Central Jersey Firemans Cook-off. This event will be held on July 20, at the fire house. This event will be limited to 30 teams and is a one day event.
This event has been good to us in the past. We won second place for ribs one year, and third place for yard bird another. It's close to home, and we always see old friends from past competitions, and generally have a hell of a good time. Because I have stayed out of trouble all winter long, I believe that we will have a very good year this year because I must have accumulated a lot of good karma and powerful Juju. For this reason, I anticipate winning.
We'll be registered for this event today, so mark your calendars., buy your bourbon, clean your kilt and get ready. The 2009 Edition of the Memphis Barbeque Company Competition Barbeque Team is ready to cook some barbeque. For us, this just might be the Year of the Pig!
This event has been good to us in the past. We won second place for ribs one year, and third place for yard bird another. It's close to home, and we always see old friends from past competitions, and generally have a hell of a good time. Because I have stayed out of trouble all winter long, I believe that we will have a very good year this year because I must have accumulated a lot of good karma and powerful Juju. For this reason, I anticipate winning.
We'll be registered for this event today, so mark your calendars., buy your bourbon, clean your kilt and get ready. The 2009 Edition of the Memphis Barbeque Company Competition Barbeque Team is ready to cook some barbeque. For us, this just might be the Year of the Pig!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
How to Prepare for the SuperBowl
Janurary 15, 2009
Superbowl T-minus 16 Days:
The day began normally, but ended with a 1 inch stream of water pouring into the basement from an electrical conduit. Yes...an electrical conduit. Who the hell do you call for that? A plumber or an electrician? Together, my wife and I fought the water. A plumber came and capped the electric conduit. We are standing in 3-4 inches of water and as he cuts each wire, he says 'Watcha for da sprarka'. I'm thinking, this may very well become an example of natural selection.
The water company arrives and shuts the water off. It's 4 degress outside. I'm pumping water from the basement but the hose keeps freezing up. Each time I go ouside to clear it, my hand freezes to the metal door knob when I reenter the house.
Janurary 16, 2009
Superbowl T-minus 15 Days:
The water is turned off. We began a 4 day marathon of drying out the basement. The big screen is intact and functional. Damage appears to be minimal. The Middlesex Water Company bozo's begin manouvering to avoid paying for repairing the water line. They forgot to bill us for our 'Customer Care Line Protection'. Our Homeowners Insurance begins trying to tell me that this is ground water (not covered). I calmly explain that in my experience, I have always seen water flow from a pipe, but never have I seen free water flow into a buried pipe, travel up hill, and emerge with force.
Janurary 17, 2009
Superbowl T-minus 14 Days
No running water means no flushing. We move to a hotel. A hotel with a bar. A bar that is out of Knob Creek. God hates me.
Janurary 19, 2009
Superbowl T-minus 12 Days:
Plumber can't get a permit to repair the line until tomorrow because all city offices are closed due to Dr.Martin Luther King Day. We become aware of CLUE. CLUE is a database maintained by insurance companies so that they can intimidate folks into not filing claims for water damage. If you file, you go in the CLUE database. When your insurance company drops you for filing the claim, you are not able to get homeowners insurance from anyone else.
Fortunately, it snows. We move out of the hotel to reduce the potential loss. We begin melting snow to flush. Flusing is a privledge not to be abused.
Janurary 20, 2009
Superbowl T-minus 11 Days:
Got permit. Have to wait for the Digging Cops to mark the yard so we can dig. No idea when they will come. Apparently the Digging Cops are typical employes of the utilities. They may not show up till spring. We're still dehumidifying the basement. It's getting better.
Janurary 21, 2009
Superbowl T-minus 10 Days:
Some bastard painted lines on the snow in my yard. It's the Gas guys. Now we're just waiting on the Middlesex Water Company. I am praying that the guy who paints the lines is more motivated and more competent than the guy who sends the bills out. They're not very good at billing people properly. Many tiles on the basement floor have come up. We remove them to allow the concrete to dry properly. Basement looks like hell, but we're making progress.
Janurary 23, 2009
The guy from Middlesex water show up and marks the line. Plumbers don't work on weekends.
The basement floor is finally dry enough. We prime the floor, and put new tiles down. The carpets are cleaned, and the furnature is washed with Murphy's Oil Soap. We are getting there.
Janurary 25, 2009
SuperBowl T-minue 6 Days
It is 4 degrees outside. I have a good fire into the smoker. Two shoulders and 18 slabs of loin back ribs. A couple of rough looking neighbors just happen by to see what's cooking. They are chronic Jets fans. Neither Steeler fans nor Ole Miss fans. I know why they are here. I show them my ax handle, they realize there is no barbeque for them, and they leave empty handed.
Janurary 26, 2009
SuperBowl T-minus 5 Days:
The Pagans Motorcycle club sends a plumber and a buttboy over at 7:00am. A guy on a backhoe shows up moments later. By noon, we have water. Life is good.
Janurary 27, 2009
Catfish is 12 years old. An email arrives from the Central Jersey Fireman's Cook-off! They are having the contest this year. it will be on June 20, 2009. It just doesn't get any better than this. We can flush. The basement is ready for the SuperBowl, and we've recieved notice that our favorite barbeque contest, where we have done well, is back on!!! The very best thing about this barbeque contest is they have running water in the bathrooms.
I love running water.
Superbowl T-minus 16 Days:
The day began normally, but ended with a 1 inch stream of water pouring into the basement from an electrical conduit. Yes...an electrical conduit. Who the hell do you call for that? A plumber or an electrician? Together, my wife and I fought the water. A plumber came and capped the electric conduit. We are standing in 3-4 inches of water and as he cuts each wire, he says 'Watcha for da sprarka'. I'm thinking, this may very well become an example of natural selection.
The water company arrives and shuts the water off. It's 4 degress outside. I'm pumping water from the basement but the hose keeps freezing up. Each time I go ouside to clear it, my hand freezes to the metal door knob when I reenter the house.
Janurary 16, 2009
Superbowl T-minus 15 Days:
The water is turned off. We began a 4 day marathon of drying out the basement. The big screen is intact and functional. Damage appears to be minimal. The Middlesex Water Company bozo's begin manouvering to avoid paying for repairing the water line. They forgot to bill us for our 'Customer Care Line Protection'. Our Homeowners Insurance begins trying to tell me that this is ground water (not covered). I calmly explain that in my experience, I have always seen water flow from a pipe, but never have I seen free water flow into a buried pipe, travel up hill, and emerge with force.
Janurary 17, 2009
Superbowl T-minus 14 Days
No running water means no flushing. We move to a hotel. A hotel with a bar. A bar that is out of Knob Creek. God hates me.
Janurary 19, 2009
Superbowl T-minus 12 Days:
Plumber can't get a permit to repair the line until tomorrow because all city offices are closed due to Dr.Martin Luther King Day. We become aware of CLUE. CLUE is a database maintained by insurance companies so that they can intimidate folks into not filing claims for water damage. If you file, you go in the CLUE database. When your insurance company drops you for filing the claim, you are not able to get homeowners insurance from anyone else.
Fortunately, it snows. We move out of the hotel to reduce the potential loss. We begin melting snow to flush. Flusing is a privledge not to be abused.
Janurary 20, 2009
Superbowl T-minus 11 Days:
Got permit. Have to wait for the Digging Cops to mark the yard so we can dig. No idea when they will come. Apparently the Digging Cops are typical employes of the utilities. They may not show up till spring. We're still dehumidifying the basement. It's getting better.
Janurary 21, 2009
Superbowl T-minus 10 Days:
Some bastard painted lines on the snow in my yard. It's the Gas guys. Now we're just waiting on the Middlesex Water Company. I am praying that the guy who paints the lines is more motivated and more competent than the guy who sends the bills out. They're not very good at billing people properly. Many tiles on the basement floor have come up. We remove them to allow the concrete to dry properly. Basement looks like hell, but we're making progress.
Janurary 23, 2009
The guy from Middlesex water show up and marks the line. Plumbers don't work on weekends.
The basement floor is finally dry enough. We prime the floor, and put new tiles down. The carpets are cleaned, and the furnature is washed with Murphy's Oil Soap. We are getting there.
Janurary 25, 2009
SuperBowl T-minue 6 Days
It is 4 degrees outside. I have a good fire into the smoker. Two shoulders and 18 slabs of loin back ribs. A couple of rough looking neighbors just happen by to see what's cooking. They are chronic Jets fans. Neither Steeler fans nor Ole Miss fans. I know why they are here. I show them my ax handle, they realize there is no barbeque for them, and they leave empty handed.
Janurary 26, 2009
SuperBowl T-minus 5 Days:
The Pagans Motorcycle club sends a plumber and a buttboy over at 7:00am. A guy on a backhoe shows up moments later. By noon, we have water. Life is good.
Janurary 27, 2009
Catfish is 12 years old. An email arrives from the Central Jersey Fireman's Cook-off! They are having the contest this year. it will be on June 20, 2009. It just doesn't get any better than this. We can flush. The basement is ready for the SuperBowl, and we've recieved notice that our favorite barbeque contest, where we have done well, is back on!!! The very best thing about this barbeque contest is they have running water in the bathrooms.
I love running water.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Long Live the Dead Cow Society
It is said by some, that the masonic societies began when the seven knights Templar began digging in the stables beneath Solomon's Temple. Much good has come from these organizations. Children's hospitals have been built. Scholarship programs thrive. All manner of civic good has come about since the seven knights first dug.
One week and one day from now, another equally impressive ensemble of men will gather. Brave men, Eaters of beast. But they will not be digging in stables buried beneath a temple ruin, but rather drinking hard liquor and wine in a bar with an attached restaurant.
Be not decieved, as this is a mission of mercy and much good juju will come from this. One of their number is suffering badly from chronic and long term bovine deprivation. The Good Brothers of the Dead Cow Society have resolved once more to rescue Brother Heiss from tofu.
So, Here's to us, The Good Brothers of the Dead Cow Society, as we seek to save Brother Heiss! May your glass never empty. May all your steaks be rare.
Until the appointed day,
ralphsfeetareclean!
One week and one day from now, another equally impressive ensemble of men will gather. Brave men, Eaters of beast. But they will not be digging in stables buried beneath a temple ruin, but rather drinking hard liquor and wine in a bar with an attached restaurant.
Be not decieved, as this is a mission of mercy and much good juju will come from this. One of their number is suffering badly from chronic and long term bovine deprivation. The Good Brothers of the Dead Cow Society have resolved once more to rescue Brother Heiss from tofu.
So, Here's to us, The Good Brothers of the Dead Cow Society, as we seek to save Brother Heiss! May your glass never empty. May all your steaks be rare.
Until the appointed day,
ralphsfeetareclean!
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