Units of Measure

It has become apparent to me that not all people in the north are enlightened as to Southern Units of Measure.  I have been here neigh on twenty years, and have completely mastered the yankee language, and have endeavoured to these pagan folks the proper way to speak Mr. Lee's Language, but alas, it is a task meant for Sisyphus.

So, as a primer, let us discuss units of measure.  There are three fundamental units of measure in the Southern Vernacular.  'Aint caught shit', 'a Mess' and 'a shitload'.

'Ain't caught shit' means that you have caught less than a dozen catfish.

'A mess of Catfish' means that you have caught between a dozen and two dozen catfish.  All have to be 2 lbs  or better.

'A shitload' of Catfish means that you have caught more than two dozen catfish.  Anytime you have caught a shitload of Catfish, it is Arkansas state law that you have to buy two cases of beer to feed to your friends who come over to help skin the fish.  You don't even have to be in Arkansas to have that law enforced.

Some things about fishing that may not be apparent to my northern friends should be mentioned at this point.  They need help.  They dont know what night crawlers are.  Night crawlers are worms....not vampires.   Stink bait really does stink.  Bloodbait is really made from blood.  If you are fishing with dynamite, always start the motor before you light the fuse.  A failure to do so frequently results in an abrupt and unpleasant expulsion from the gene pool.

Thus endeth the lesson.