The March of Time

Apparently, as we age, we acquire the collective phobias of our parents. To date, I have determined that bridges are the work of the devil, and having been constructed by the lowest bidder, are inherently unsafe. I am not just refering to the Huey P. Long bridge in New Orleans, which I must add was clearly engineered by Satan in the depths of a cocaine fueled acid binge, but also the Burlington Bristol Bridge, engineered by the spawn of Satan, between New Jersey and Pennsylvania. Huey's bridge is unique in that some bastard decided that it would be cool to put the actual roadway beside the damn bridge instead of inside the bridge. They have put the damn train track 'inside' the bridge,and the road surface 'outside' the bridge. Notice how much room the stinking train has.
When was the last time a train had a blow out and suddenly veered to the right? Think about that for a minute. A damn train can not turn.

The road surface of the Huey P. Long Bridge that you and I drive our automobiles across is held up by the same sort of magic you see in Las Vegas magic shows. Oh yeah. Like the trick where they have a tiger in a cage, and make him appear outside the cage? Screw that. If you are going to make the tiger appear outside the cage, then make me appear in the cage. Likewise with bridges, put the road surface inside the bridge.

Try driving across a bridge 300 feet above the Mississippi River with no side rails. Welcome to New Orleans.

The Burlington Bristol Bridge is almost as much fun. It is about 200 feet above the Deleware bridge, but unlike Huey's bridge, this piece of art has no concrete. Although the lanes are actually inside the bridge, the lanes are metal grating. If you look down,you see water. It's a two lane bridge sized for muppets pushing hand carts, built by dwarfs and traversed by frenzied people who drive according to the traffic laws of their native lands. Now the best part.

See the section between the two tall towers? They can make that section go up. Yep...they can move the damn bridge. You're driving along minding your own business and suddenly zooop! Some sick bastard moved the bridge. Who thought that particular feature would be attractive? Next time I cross it, it will be at gun point.

Mom was scared of bridges. Dad was scared of politicians.